Miss Alcoholic
by Siephe
Summary: Everything always starts with a bet. And booze of course. And Sasuke just loves his alcohol. Unfortunately, that's what got him into this whole mess; because he'd never do this if it weren't for his booze and Kiba. NaruSasu and maybe not in that order. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Oh yep! Another one of the boy meets boy but boy looks like girl and so other boy thinks he's a girl kind of story. I never realized how tempting they can be to write. Heh.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or any of the other characters, nor am I associated with the creator in anyway. If I did, there would be a character in the series named after me who could kick everybody's butt.

**Warning: **Boy love goin' on here! Don't like, don't read!

* * *

**Chapter One**

Sasuke fought off a blush as he desperately tried to ignore the sniggers coming from the nearby table. He cursed the gods for inventing beer and bets.

Because that was how he ended up in this whole predicament – lots of tempting booze and a horrible bet that Kiba had proposed. Which he lost, of course. Sasuke promised that he would never drink another drink ever again.

Which was why he was here, sitting in front of a bar, a glass of gin and tonic in his hands praying that he'd get drunk and make this whole thing disappear. He'd start his new resolution tomorrow.

His eyebrow ticked slightly as he heard another wolf-whistle coming from Kiba's table where the rest of the gang was having a good laugh at his expense. Kiba was _so_ dead after this. Sasuke was already plotting revenge in his head.

"Give the lady a Dark and Stormy (1)," came Kiba's voice from over Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke resisted the urge to punch Kiba – it wouldn't do well for him to get kicked out of the club by the bouncer. As it was, Sasuke turned to give the dog-lover a glare.

The bartender scooted down towards their end of the bar and laughed. Sasuke's eyes turned toward at the sound and met the bluest eyes he had ever seen. On reflex, he growled.

"Shit Kiba," the bartender said, "the lady doesn't need a Dark and Stormy – what she needs is a Quick Fuck (2)." Sasuke really wished the ground below him would open up and swallow him – that or swallow Kiba and the bartender who he had never met before in his life and was determined to hate. Sasuke didn't know whether to hate him more for the lady comment or the quick fuck comment. Instead, he glared at the blond. The bartender simply laughed.

"See what I mean Kiba, if you buy her a drink, the least you could do is lighten her mood up." Kiba, amused to no end, simply smirked.

"Maybe it's her glare that turns me on," the dog-lover replied. As soon as the bartender was out of the way, Sasuke swore he was going to rip the other man's balls out.

"Man, you are so weird. Wait till I tell Hinata that you're hitting on someone else while she's just a few metres away," the bartender teased.

"Go ahead, this chick is with us," Kiba replied, grinning.

"Oh really?" Kiba grinned even wider at the man behind the bar, as he raised a questioning eyebrow. The bartender turned to give a look at the girl in question. Hinata caught his gaze and with a shy twinkle in her eye, waved to him.

"Why do I get the feeling you guys are up to something?" he asked suspiciously.

"See this pretty lady here – " a growl came from said lady " – well, she lost a bet and is currently paying the penalty." Kiba was full-out grinning, and the bartender was pretty damned sure that he was having an inside joke. Sighing, he gave the dog-lover a weird look and turned to the poor victim of Kiba's private joke.

"Hey, cutie, I'll give you a Quick Fuck, on the house," he said, ignoring Kiba's laughter. "I'm sure it'll lighten your mood up and make you feel better."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow in slight panic. "Excuse me?" he squeaked out.

The bartender laughed at Sasuke's discomfort. "It's a drink. It's good, trust me. I came up with the idea myself."

Sasuke was going to come back to the bar tomorrow and then he would beat the shit out of bartender to Hell and back. After he beat the shit out of Kiba, of course. For the moment, both of them were damn lucky that he was in goddamn heels. He didn't know how women survived them. Sasuke swore they were Satan's invention.

The blond bartender spared a glance towards Kiba, "You owe me Kiba, twice now, one for before and one for playing into your joke," he said, laughing. Then he headed off towards the other end of the bar, and began mixing what Sasuke assumed was a 'Quick Fuck'.

"Don't worry Naruto," the brunette called after the bartender, "My debt to you will be paid soon." Then, turning away with his new drink, he headed back to his table where his friends and most importantly, the love of his life were waiting with chuckles.

* * *

"Here you go," Naruto said, placing a glass of something in front of a startled Sasuke. "One Quick Fuck on the house."

Sasuke glanced at the glass of mixed alcohol with a wary expression. Naruto laughed.

"Don't worry, I didn't put anything bad in it. Trust me. It's _all_ good stuff in there," Naruto teased, a cheeky grin on his face. Raising his head, he glanced up at the bartender to give him a good look. Or as good as he could in the dark lighting of the club.

The bartender was tall. Looking up he was still faced with what was the other man's chest. Sasuke thought that if he stood next to the guy, he'd still feel dwarfed – heels and all. He wore a white collared shirt that was left half-tucked and dress pants with suspenders hanging down his waist. The top of his shirt was left unbutton and Sasuke could see what appeared to be a very tanned chest. The guy had broad shoulders that tightened the shirt he was wearing and Sasuke wondered why God couldn't have given him a body like that. Instead, the skies above had decided to literally grace him with a slightly more feminine look – which was one of the reasons he was in the whole getup in the first place. Sasuke vaguely realized he was staring at the other's chest – he was a guy for heaven's sake – he took a sip of the drink placed in front of him. He was startled by the fact that it was indeed good.

"Told you it was good," the bartender said, leaning down so that his face was closer down to Sasuke's. He propped himself on one arm and grinned at the raven-head, his eyes twinkling. Sasuke took the opportunity to take a look at the face. It was purely masculine, and Sasuke wanted to curse the gods in seven different ways. Why the hell were guys who had manly appearances while he was stuck with the feminine one constantly surrounding him? The man in front of him was a blond and Sasuke wondered vaguely if it was natural. His hair stood up in all different directions in a way that many girls would find damn irresistible. His skin was tanned, and he features were chiseled finely into his face. Right down to the whisker-like marks on his face that probably would've looked ridiculous on someone else. And his eyes… Sasuke was able to get a much closer look at them than before and he was right. They were the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Sasuke had to give it to him – the guy was attractive. And Sasuke was straight. He didn't normally find guys attractive. Then again, he didn't find girls attractive either.

Before he could get caught staring at the blond, he shifted his gaze slightly and muttered a "Yeah, thanks." The other guy just stood there, unmoving and Sasuke was starting to worry that the guy would tell if he wasn't really a girl – just a feminine looking guy dressed up as a girl. And he wasn't enjoying it.

"Naruto," the man said, finally standing straight and went to take a rag to wipe the counters.

"Sorry?"

"Naruto. My name's Naruto Uzumaki. I used to go to high school with Kiba. That's how I know the guy. So, do you have a name cutie, or do I have to ask Kiba for it?" the blond ask, grinning a canine smile not unlike Kiba's. Sasuke found it a bit unnerving.

"Sasu –" Sasuke thought for a quick minute " – ki," he finally replied. The last thing he wanted was the name Uchiha Sasuke connected to a girl in a miniskirt, heels and makeup. He would absolutely die of horror.

"Sasuki, huh," Naruto smiled, pausing his motions, "Cute name. You're Japanese, right?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, Sasuki-chan., how'd a girl like you get mixed up with Kiba?" Sasuki-chan?! Sasuke wanted to cry out in indignation. Naruto grinned, guessing that the chan irritated the raven-head in front of him.

"Go to college with him," he gritted out.

"Really? You'd think he'd mention a cute girl like you. Well, then again he was always head over heels for Hinata, but he still would've. I mean, the times I've been able to chat with him all he'd say about his roommate. A broody bastard, named Sasuke or something. You wouldn't happen know him would you? I heard he was Japanese too." Naruto peered closer at Sasuke. Sasuke resisted the urge to shrivel back. "Hey, are you his sister or something? Cause you guys have like similar names and you guys are both Japanese…"

"No. I don't know him," Sasuke said vehemently. Naruto looked a bit disappointed for a moment.

"Oh. Well, that's all right. So what did he do to get you so pissed off tonight? I swear, if looks could kill, you'd just about killed everyone in the whole bar. Jiraiya would be pissed."

"Nothing – just lost a bet. I have to dress like a damn slut and wait till some guy hits on me before I can go home."

"Hey, that ain't so bad. I remember some other stuff that Kiba pulled on me. Getting hit on isn't the worse by far."

Sasuke glared. "Do you think I _want_ to get hit on?"

"Oh well. Then that might be a bit of a problem. But it's just being hit on. You know, sticks and stones will break my bones…" Sasuke's glare didn't lighten up. Naruto sighed, and then he grinned. "Tell you what, I'll tell you a secret. You know Hinata?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, Kiba tells everyone that he managed to hook up with her all on his own. Truth is he didn't. I helped him with it; otherwise Hinata's cousin would've never let her go out with him. I mean, Kiba's a nice person deep down inside, but he's not exactly Hyuuga material, according to their standards. But Hinata's a nice girl, and she'll be fine with Kiba. Kiba wouldn't let anyone hurt a single hair on her head. He's had a crush on her since the second year of high school – love at first sight kind of thing. And it took him over four years before he could get the girl, and that's with help."

"So what, are you saying you're like cupid?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto laughed. "No way. I'm just saying that Kiba hates it that he didn't have the guts to get Hinata on his own. I wouldn't blame him though, Hinata's cousin Neji can be pretty scary sometimes, but I've known him for a long time so Neji actually listens to me. I'm just saying, next time he puts you in a hard spot, you can rub that fact in on him."

Sasuke raised a brow. "So you're actually giving me something to blackmail your friend with?"

"Nope," Naruto said, grinning, "I'm giving you something to protect yourself with next time he tries to pull anything on you." With that, he walked over to the other side of the bar to where a customer was waiting for one of his famous drinks, leaving Sasuke to brood by himself.

Sasuke glanced at the glass in his hand. A Quick Fuck, huh? He downed the glass, feeling the alcohol burn in his throat. Damn, Sasuke loved his liquor. It was a pity he'd have to give it up the next day.

* * *

Business was slowing down as it neared closing time. Naruto found himself wiping the spills of alcohol left by drunks as they slowly stumbled out the doorway. The people sitting at the bar had all left, except for one. Sasuki was still where she had been sitting the whole night and Kiba and his gang had left to take care of one of their friends who had decided to puke all over the place. As he helped a stumbling friend out the door, Hinata walking shyly behind, Kiba asked Naruto to keep an eye on 'Sasuki' for him. Naruto had absentmindedly nodded and was then distracted by another customer.

Glancing at the clock behind the counter, Naruto noticed it was ten to closing time and the last of the customers sitting at a table seat were slowly making their way to the exit, hand in hand. Which left Sasuki here with Naruto. The blond wondered if Kiba had wanted to give the lady a ride. Frowning, he walked over to the girl, who was still sitting at the corner seat, brooding over her drink. Naruto vaguely tried to count how many drinks the girl had that night. His mouth formed a surprise 'o' as he counted up to the tens. The lady sure could drink! Naruto grinned. He respected those who could hold their liquor. At least, Naruto was sure that Sasuki wasn't drunk – she certainly didn't look like it! But then why was she sitting there not moving? An idea struck him – she couldn't be waiting for him, could she? That would be bad, so bad, if she did. Naruto hated turning down girls. It wasn't that they weren't pretty, or didn't have nice personalities. He liked girls very much – just not in that way. At least he hadn't liked girls liked that since his last girlfriend in high school. He supposed it was because he hadn't found the right girl for him yet, that was all.

"Sasuki?" he called to her. No answer.

"Sasuki-chan?" again there was no answer. Naruto blinked. She was ignoring him! Slightly worried, he walked closer and too the empty glass in from her hands and waved a hand in front of her face.

"Damn it, give me back my drink," she snarled, slurring slightly. Ok, definitely drunk, Naruto thought.

"It's empty, cutie." The snarl left Sasuki's face to be replaced by confusion.

"Oh," and then, "Give me another one. Another – " Sasuki tried to remember what she was trying to say, " - another one."

"Sorry sweetie, but you're slurring all your words. You are definitely drunk. And you're gonna have a big ass hangover later."

"I don't care, give me another one," Sasuke slurred surly.

"No can do," Naruto said, grinning. The lady was quite adorable when she was drunk and surly. "Besides, it's closing time."

"I hate you," Sasuki said. Naruto raised a brow.

"Just cause I don't give you another drink? Sweetie, you should be _thanking_ me."

"Yes. I hate people who keep me from my alcohol. Damn it."

Naruto stared at her incredulously. "You're an alcoholic!" he cried accusingly. He would've never guessed it.

"No I'm not," Sasuke protested, and then hiccupped. "I just like the taste."

"Uhuh, that's what they all say. Come on; let's get you home. "

"Can't. Don't have a car. Kiba knows I – I get drunk afthur – after I start drinking. He take - took - my keys."

"It's a good thing too," Naruto muttered, "You'd crash yourself into the first tree."

"I wouldn't. Trees are endangered and should be protected."

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, well, then you'd crash into the next poor unfortunate person that you see. I'll give you a ride home."

"Can't go home either. My house keys are with my car keys," he said, still slurring. Naruto was surprised that with all the alcohol the lady had consumed that she could still hold a rational conversation. Naruto was impressed. When Naruto got drunk, he'd spouted all sorts of random things and did all sorts of wild things.

"Um alright. Well, you really can't stay here, so I guess I can take you to my place for the night," the bartender offered. Kiba so owed him. "Come on, gorgeous, move your butt. I want to go home and sleep before my day job starts." He walked out from behind the counter and went over to the girl, and tugged gently on her arm. He was a bit surprised that it was muscled instead of soft like its deceiving appearance. He shrugged; he guessed she must work out a lot. Then he led her out the door, making sure that all the lights were turned off and then locked the bar up.

"I am not sleeping on the floor or the couch," Sasuki muttered under her breath, stumbling slightly on a crack on the sidewalk.

"Don't worry, I wasn't planning to let you have anything but the bed. I end up falling asleep on the couch most nights anyway."

"And don't touch my boobs."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Naruto said seriously. He vaguely remembered a time in high school where bringing a girl back home would be exciting, just thinking about the stuff they could do. Now, the idea of doing such things hadn't even crossed his mind. Naruto had matured over the years as he grew.

"If you do, I'll kick your ass to hell."

"Of course you will," the blond replied absentmindedly, as he opened the door to his red, second-hand Lexus and carefully sat her in the passenger seat. He then belted on her seatbelt, trying not to touch anything that he shouldn't.

"My place isn't far. About a ten minute drive," Naruto said as he got into the car.

"Ugh. Good. I feel a little bit sick." Naruto's eyes widened and he began panicking. He stepped on the gas pedal; thankful it was late enough that there were hardly any cars on the streets.

"Just hold on cutie. If you have to puke, the please, _please_, don't puke in my car! Wait till we get to my place… I saved forever to buy this car, and I don't have the money to get it cleaned!" And with a muttered curse, Naruto drove off quickly into the night, as if the devil himself was chasing after them. Kiba definitely owed him triple now!

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I know I shouldn't start yet another story that will take me forever to finish when I've got so many that are nowhere near completion. Originally, I had wanted this one to be a one shot, but as you can see, that wasn't the way it turned out.

Anyway, I just had to get it out of my system and there you go.

I've never had an alcoholic drink before in my whole life so far, so when it comes to drinks, I basically I have no clue what I'm talking about and most of it is just research. The drinks mentioned here are actually drinks I found over the Internet. Here are the recipes if anyone's interested.

(1) Dark and Stormy:

1 part(s) Black Rum

2 part(s) Ginger Beer

In a tall glass over ice pour the ginger beer, add the Black rum and watch the storm swirl before your eyes.

(2) Quick Fuck:

1 part(s) Kahlua

1 part(s) Midori Melon Liqueur

1 part(s) Bailey's Irish Cream

In a shot glass pour equal quantities of each three over a spoon to make layers. Kahula first followed by Midori and then the Bailey 's.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Sasuke woke up to the feeling of someone licking his face. And it was rough. Sasuke groaned, remembering vaguely the previous night. He hadn't done anything stupid, had he? He prayed to God that he wasn't naked -- the last thing he wanted was his secret to be found out. He would absolutely die of shame, and Sasuke didn't want to die just yet.

His head was pounding, but he ignored it, since he was used to it. He took a few deep breaths as the licking continued and he felt something shifting over his body. _What the hell?_ He opened his eyes to stare at something small, red and furry before the sunlight struck his eyes and he closed them, his head pounding harder than before.

Great, what was he going to do? He had a friggin' fox straddling him. He wondered vaguely where it came from, since he hadn't noticed it last night when he had been awake. Then again, he had been puking down into the toilet seat when he had been and the only thing he'd notice was that the toilet was thankfully clean.

"Kyuubi?" Naruto's voice came from down the hall, as he got around closer to the bedroom that Sasuke was in. It was the _only_ bedroom in the small apartment, if Sasuke remembered correctly. "Damn it, Kyuubi, where the hell have you gotten to, you horny bastard? I really should get you neutered before you make me the grand-daddy of a litter."

Kyuubi? Sasuke carefully opened his eyes to glance at the fox that he assumed was the 'horny bastard' Naruto had mentioned. As if summoned, Naruto popped his head through the doorway, which had been opened to a crack when the fox wandered into the room.

"Oh there you are." The fox stopped licking Sasuke to glance up at Naruto's voice to see the blond in nothing but a pair of orange pyjama pants. Sasuke was grateful for the pause. He was _not_ a lollipop. The blond walked up towards the bed where Sasuke was lying on and he prayed that he looked nothing like the guy he was supposed to be. And that he wasn't naked. Taking a quick look down, he was thankful to the gods that he wasn't.

Naruto's big, calloused hands picked up the fox as if he was a stuffed animal, ignoring the small nip the fox gave him and placed him on his shoulder. The fox, as if used to this behaviour, balanced itself and then lay down on the man's broad shoulders, its tail wrapping around Naruto's neck like a scarf.

"So you're awake," Naruto said, finally turning towards Sasuke. Sasuke scowled and slowly sat up, ignoring the pounding in his head. "Sorry about Kyuubi. He's a horny bastard and it's currently mating season. I should probably get him neutered, but neutering a guy's…" Naruto gave a sheepish grin. Sasuke admitted that he had to agree with the other guy. Neutering a male, no matter the species, was cruel, absolutely cruel. Sasuke liked his junior very, very much the way it was and he was very pleased with the idea of it staying where it was.

"Do you have Tylenol, or something?" Sasuke asked through gritted teeth. Every time he went out to a club, he'd make sure he had a bottle of water and Tylenol right beside his bed before he left. He knew well from experience that it was the first thing he'd crave after a good round of drinking the night before.

"Oh, right, sorry. I was going to bring you that before Kyuubi distracted me. Stay right there, I'll go get it for you." With that, Naruto dashed out of the room, the fox miraculously still perched on his shoulder.

As soon as Naruto left the room, Sasuke slung his legs over the bed, and made sure that nothing that shouldn't be revealed was showing. He pulled his short skirt in place, cursing the fact that the skirt was so short that he couldn't wear boxers or briefs and instead had been forced by Kiba to wear panties. Panties! Could Kiba make things any more embarrassing than they were? And damn, were they tight on Sasuke Jr. Sasuke bet his junior was having trouble breathing properly.

Checking to be sure that Naruto wasn't anywhere near the room, Sasuke adjusted the bra he wore underneath, making sure the socks that had been stuffed there also by Kiba hadn't adjusted themselves while Sasuke slept. The last thing he needed was a stranger to find out he was a cross dresser – never mind that he was an unwilling one. He could just imagine Naruto's look of horror.

Then again, Sasuke was rather surprised that Naruto hadn't realized he wasn't really a girl. He sincerely hoped it was because the blond was too stupid to actually notice the difference and not because his looks really _were_ that feminine, like Sakura had once told him after she'd gotten over her crush on him.

God, that had been a nightmare. Sasuke had never been able to understand why girls liked him so much. He was perfectly rude and cold to them, rejecting them over and over -- harshly too. But still they came to him in troves. He would never understand girls. And to think, he might be married to one, some day. Sasuke prayed that when the time came, it would be to someone that he could stand. Someone reasonable and sensible. God forbid if he ended up marrying someone who was a cross between Sakura and Ino. Sasuke would commit suicide and save his brother the trouble of killing him.

"Here," Naruto said, handing Sasuke a glass of water and two red and white pills. Sasuke muttered a 'thank you' before downing the pills. He waited for the relief before looking back up to the blond with the sunshine blond hair that had been offending his eyes a moment before.

"I have to go to work in an hour. I called Kiba earlier to tell him to drop your keys off and to give you a ride home. He should be here soon. If he's not here by the time I'm gone, when he comes and you leave, lock the door for me, ok?"

Sasuke nodded slightly.

"Thanks. I have to go get ready. If you're hungry, feel free to raid the fridge. There isn't much since I'm too lazy to stock it up properly, but if you see anything edible, go for it. Is there anything else you need?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"Great. You can go back to sleep now, if you want. You probably feel like shit right now." Turning, Naruto went to the small closet to the right of the bed, and grabbed an orange t-shirt and a pair of jeans and then headed towards the bathroom to change.

Sasuke fell back down on the bed, taking the blond's advice.

* * *

Naruto had left earlier, leaving Sasuke to his own devices in the blond's apartment. Kiba hadn't arrived yet, and Sasuke was getting more pissed by the minute. When he saw the dog-boy, he would strangle him. But not before castrating him and giving him a boob implant.

His headache dulled by the medicine, Sasuke headed towards the small bathroom to the left of the bedroom. He raised an eyebrow at the see-through, duck-patterned shower curtain that he hadn't noticed the night before while he'd been puking his dinner, lunch and breakfast. The bathroom was just as messy as the blond's bedroom and Sasuke would bet hiss ass that the blond didn't have a girlfriend. There was a frog-shaped cup on the side of the sink with a well-used toothbrush in it. Beside it was a tube of toothpaste that had been squeezed in all sorts of places that irritated Sasuke -- he hated when people didn't squeeze from the bottom. The mirror over the sink was stained with fingerprints and when he curiously opened it, he found that it was devoid of any medicine except a bottle of Tylenol, rubbing alcohol and bandages. There was also a razor and shaving cream. Sasuke himself never had to shave, thanks to his heritage.

After having relieved himself, he headed towards the living area. The living area had been split into three parts with the kitchen and dining area split by a semi-wall. From where Sasuke was standing in the hallway, the kitchen and dining area was to the left, while the living room was to his right. The door to the apartment was in between these two areas with a small hallway and closet was.

Sasuke figured the blond really liked orange, since his couch was a shade of orange and the coffee table he had was a deep brown. There was a TV across from the couch while a desk with a rather old computer sitting on top of it in the corner. Across the room, the dining table sat, with mismatched chairs arranged around it. In the far corner, Sasuke could see what appeared to be a litter box that he assumed belonged to the fox. There were plants hanging everywhere.

The whole place was devoid of photos, except for one that was sitting next to the computer. Sasuke picked it up. In it was a picture of a blond male with spiky hair and blue eyes with his arms wrapped gently around a blue-eyed woman who was cradling a baby in her arms. The baby was small, a year at most and had soft tufts of blond hair and the bluest eyes that Sasuke recognized to be Naruto's. The couple had the happiest look on their faces and Sasuke wondered why there wasn't another picture of them anywhere in the house. Judging from the worn-out ends of the photo, he could tell that it was an old and treasured picture that the blond kept.

Putting the photo down, he headed towards the kitchen, which he noted, was also as messy as his bedroom. There were unwashed dishes in the sink and pots and cans of all sorts of things scattered around. Heading towards the fridge, he was unsurprised to find that there was only cabbage, a few eggs and a hunk of raw meat left. There was also something that was fuzzy and green and Sasuke had the sense not to touch it. Well, Sasuke wasn't hungry anyway. He'd wait until he got back to his own home to eat.

Which reminded him of of the fact that Kiba still hadn't arrived. It had been ages since Naruto left and the damn dog-lover still hadn't arrived and Sasuke was about to go crazy. He was definitely going to call the guy and make sure he had a piece of his mind. Except Sasuke was pretty sure he hadn't come across a phone on his search of the area. He guessed that Naruto had never bothered getting a phone and had used a cell to call Kiba. He cursed at his rotten luck.

Before he finished cursing, a hesitant knock sounded at the door.

"About time, Kiba! I am going to _rip_ your balls out!" he shouted, flinging the door harshly open to see Hinata standing on the other side. She smiled timidly, as if afraid any moment Sasuke would strike. Sasuke cooled down his temper. There was no need to scare the girl.

"Kiba asked me to come give you your keys and to give you a ride home," the shy girl said quietly. Sasuke wanted to poke Kiba in the eye. The coward! Sending his girlfriend to pick him up so that he could avoid being killed by a furious Uchiha! Sasuke simply glared at Hinata.

"And where is Kiba?" he asked icily. He could hardly relieve his anger out on Hinata. The girl was part of the only family he had, despite them being so distantly related that they might as well not be.

"He – he – he said that he wasn't feeling well," Hinata stammered in reply.

"I'll bet he was," Sasuke muttered. "Let's go. I want out of this damn bra before I murder someone." And then he stormed out of the door, leaving a worried Hinata to lock the apartment door and then hurrying to follow the Uchiha.

* * *

A shower later and the cursed bra, heel, skirt and panties off and as far away from as him as they possibly could be in the house, Sasuke was feeling slightly better. Of course, he'd feel much better with Kiba's balls being squashed underneath his fist. That and a glass of gin and tonic or something else alcoholic but since he had sworn not to drink another drink, he couldn't have that and he'd do with Kiba's balls.

And if he could, he'd burn the nasty clothes, but with the exception of the panties that had been newly bought, the rest of the clothes belonged to Sakura, who had gleefully volunteered her skankiest outfit to him when he had lost the bet. And if he destroyed Sakura's clothes, he'd be forced to go on a shopping trip with the girl in question to make up for it. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck with her in a mall, shopping. That, in Sasuke's opinion, was the equivalent of hell on earth.

Sighing, he headed toward the cursed pile and then glaring at it, picked it up and dumped it in the laundry machine. He'd return Sakura's clothes as soon as possible and then the whole nightmare would be behind him. Hopefully everyone would forget all about it within the next day, and if they didn't, well, Sasuke would _make_ them forget it.

Satisfied with his decision, Sasuke headed towards his kitchen for a bit of breakfast and then he'd go back to bed to sleep off the rest of his hangover. And after that, he'd go and hunt down Kiba with immense pleasure.

* * *

"Mr. Uchiha, you're late," the professor commented as his lecture was interrupted by Sasuke's appearance a few weeks after the incident.

"Sorry, got held up at the company," he muttered in reply before quickly finding an empty seat in the lecture hall. Sighing at the eyes that followed his movement, he wondered why he even bothered attending this class – with all of his experience in business; _he_ should've been the one teaching the class and his professor knew it. But, he thought, a diploma looked good on his profile, should any of his associates check.

Sasuke's mind drifted, barely paying attention to what was going on in the class. His thoughts were centred on the day's happening. Just a bit past ten in the morning, and Sasuke's day had been busy.

His vice president in the company had decided to ask for maternal leave weeks ago and Sasuke had reluctantly given it to her. Sasuke would've loved to rid the woman of the baby, but that would've been cruel and illegal not to mention his very distant cousin Neji would skin him alive. But damn, as much as women irritated him, Ten-Ten had been an exception. Not only was she completely besotted with her husband and had no eyes to spare for Sasuke but she was also a godsend at the company. She was competent, level headed and could be depended on to make the right decisions for the company when Sasuke was away. Sasuke had been contemplating on giving her a promotion to president since the current one was completely incompetent. Sasuke decided that he'd have to wait until she was finished with her leave to give it to her. He hoped to god that she wouldn't take up mother as a full-time job and quit hers at the company. Good employees like her were hard to find.

In the meantime however, Sasuke was left sorting out the messes that had come up in the woman's absence, and he was irritated beyond belief. He couldn't believe how many _idiots_ he employed in his company and wondered how on earth they could've gotten their diplomas. Sasuke understood that they couldn't all be geniuses like the Uchiha family were, but at the state they were in, it was ridiculous. Unfortunately, if Sasuke fired most of the idiotic employees, Uchiha Inc. would be left empty and that would ruin Sasuke's plans.

The brunette sighed, massaging his temples as he felt the onslaught of a headache coming on.

Uchiha Inc. was all that he had left of his family. The house they had once lived in had burned down a few years ago and Sasuke had no desire to live in the reincarnation of that house – it would haunt him with the memories of his family. So after the fire, Sasuke had bought a decently sized house in a suburb where most of the wealthy in the city lived and set a delighted interior designer on the house.

It was a twenty minute drive from the house to the office building and another twenty minute drive from there to the college that he went to. During school years, he'd stay at a dorm on school campus, and then head back to the house during weekends and holidays. For the most part, aside from the fact that there wasn't a speck of dust there, the house had an empty feel to it.

If Sasuke could, he'd completely ditch college, but he needed the diploma. He already knew most of the things they taught – hell, he'd been _doing_ all the things they taught since he was sixteen and that had been eight years ago.

His parents had died in a planted car bomb when he was seven and he'd been under the care of his guardian Kakashi until he was old enough to take care of himself. He'd never forgiven himself for their deaths, though he knew he had nothing to do with them and as a result, he pushed himself hard trying to save the business that his parents had build up from scratch. Since his parents' deaths, the business had been slowly dwindling, and Sasuke wasn't about to let it fall like the Roman Empire had.

It would've been easier if he had had his brother Itachi's help, but around the time of their parents' deaths, the young man had gone rogue, dealing with things that were illegal. Since then, Itachi had disappeared off the face of the earth, or so it seemed. He would appear once in a while in rumours. Everybody knew he dealt in illegal dealings – nothing that harmed the public masses, but illegal nonetheless. The only thing was that it was rare that someone who Itachi didn't want to be found by could find him, and they could never find proof that Itachi was at the centre of all the dealings. Whatever it was, Itachi was a genius.

Since Sasuke was without the help of Itachi, and also quite suspicious that it was his brother who had planted the bomb in their parents' car, he had worked hard during high school to save Uchiha Inc. It did help that Sasuke himself was a genius of sorts and despite his young age, he had managed to save the company and to flourish it.

Because of this, Sasuke hadn't known a social life in high school – not that he cared. While others were away partying, Sasuke was in his home office sorting through documents and planning on new strategies. He never had a girlfriend, had acquaintances but no true friend and had never gone to a prom. He didn't attend any school events that weren't required to attend, and he had only stayed long enough at graduation to receive his diploma and didn't go to any after parties.

His diploma currently laid neatly in a filing case in his office, next to all the other documents he couldn't throw out but didn't care for. It didn't matter to him that he had graduated first of all the student bodies; had received the highest marks in the whole history of the school, short of Itachi who had graduated with a perfect score two years in advance. All that mattered was that Sasuke had completed something that was necessary and he was more than pleased with the fact that the whole high school ordeal was over. The girls there alone were enough to give him nightmares and he had more than enough nightmares to worry about.

Sasuke's thoughts were interrupted as the sounds of students moving about signified the end of the lecture. Gathering his opened textbook, he left the lecture hall quickly before he could be confronted by one of the females in his class. Sasuke doubted he'd ever be able to understand women.

He had an hour before his next class and he decided to head back to his dormitory to drop his textbook and grab a bite to eat at the nearby cafe. Sasuke had gotten up early to respond to the problem that had risen in the company that day and as a result had skipped breakfast.

The brunette reached his dorm building quickly enough, and was unsurprised to find his room unlocked and Kiba inside playing a video game on his computer.

"Hey, back already?" Kiba greeted distantly, his attention never wavering from the screen in front of him. He was dressed in an old t-shirt and boxers with little dog bones all over it. Sasuke raised a brow at this.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" he asked.

"Nah, something came up so the professor cancelled it. We're making up for it next Wednesday." Kiba cursed as his character died. "Damn shit, I swear, they make these games impossible to beat," he said, turning off his computer screen to swivel in his chair and face Sasuke.

"No, you're just an idiot," the Uchiha commented, dropping his books neatly on his desk. Contrary to Kiba's half of the room, Sasuke's living space was neat and tidy without a speck of dust to be found. His bed was made, his books were ordered in alphabetical order and his pens were all neatly stacked inside a penholder. His laptop sat on his desk, the cover closed just as he had left it the night before. On the bulletin board were a few notes, neatly penned and pinned to the board. He didn't bother posting any pictures or photos, never scribbled anything crude or had something just for fun. His space was cold and impersonal – just like the solid dark blue and black sheets on his bed.

Kiba's side of the room, on the other hand, was messy – clothes and other junk were strewn all over the place, with posters tacked up along the walls. It was colourful and mismatched, with photos in every niche and corner. On top of the bed was a big dog plushie that Hinata had given to the dog-lover. It was a rather funny sight – one could almost see a line dividing their room into halves. Sasuke's stuff didn't cross onto Kiba's half of the room, and Kiba's for the most part, didn't mess up Sasuke's.

The two were completely different from each other, but surprisingly, Kiba had managed to put up with the cold bastard with an offhand manner. And Sasuke had grudgingly gotten used to Kiba and they had become friends. Being roommates for the third year in a row did help a bit.

"Yeah, and you hate idiots," Kiba said, watching his roommate meticulously tidy up his desk – as if it could be even more tidy. "But damn, man, for a guy who acts like he has a stick shoved up his ass, you sure do look good in a dress. Could give Hinata a run for her money too," he said, grinning.

Sasuke turned to glare at him. It had been two weeks – two_ weeks_ – since that horrible nightmare and under all the threats and glares that Sasuke had given him, Kiba had still refused to let it go. And with all that Sasuke had on his plate, he didn't really want to add being accused of murder to it.

"Fuck you Kiba," he snarled.

"Sorry, sugar, but you know I don't swing that way," Kiba teased. Sasuke pictured stringing Kiba up by the balls and hanging him on a tree. Keeping his temper in check, Sasuke ignored the other man who had gotten up to get dressed. He packed up his laptop – he could work on planning his next strategy in his next class since it was another useless but required class that he had to take. Besides, he knew the professor personally.

By the time he was finished, Kiba was dressed in a pair of shorts and a red t-shirt with the words "Lock up your daughters" (1) splashed across it. Kiba had a sort of t-shirt fetish. He collected t-shirts with all sorts of sayings on them. In fact, he had given one to Sasuke that read: "I'm a fucking genius," (2) and another proclaiming the words: "Beer is the proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." (3) Needless to say, Sasuke had never worn them and they were buried in the bottom of his closet. Kiba didn't mind though – he only swore that one day Sasuke would wear them. And when he did, Kiba would be ready with a camera. But then again, if Kiba thought about it, Sasuke in a skirt was way better than any crude t-shirt could be.

"You're heading to the Salamander, right? I'll go with you. I'm starving," Kiba said, following his roommate out of their dorm. Sasuke didn't reply – he didn't need to. Kiba would follow him there whether he wanted him to or not.

The Salamander was a cafe nearby that catered to the college students. It was a cozy place, where people liked to hang out and chill quietly or work on whatever assignment they had. Despite being a cafe, it had a menu that covered breakfast, dinner and lunch and the food was pretty good. However, if someone wanted to socialize, they wouldn't normally go to the Salamander; they'd head to a cafe elsewhere.

"Here you go, Sasuke-kun," the waitress behind the counter said, handing Sasuke his coffee and bagel. Sasuke headed towards a seat near the back. These were comfortable seats and Sasuke didn't mind working on his projects here when he wanted a bit of peace and quiet while on the campus. Having free Internet here was also a plus. For the most part, most of the people here knew well enough to leave him alone when he was working and the waitresses kept their flirting down to a minimum.

A few minutes later, Kiba joined him, munching on a chocolate chip cookie.

"I still don't see how you can have all those girls making goo-goo eyes on you and not even care. I mean, hell, if it were me, I'd be having a hell of a good time."

"I'll remember to let Hinata know that," Sasuke replied.

"Oh shit, come on, you know I was joking. But come on! Look at all those chicks staring at you. I mean, some of them are damn fine, if you know what I mean. And you don't even give them a look. It's like they're – I dunno – garden decorations."

"I don't have time for a girlfriend, and you know it. Besides, they're annoying."

"Right… Mr. I-don't-have-time-for-a-life. You know, sometimes I wonder if you're gay or something. It's kind of unnatural not even looking at a girl like that. And I've known you for three years now and I've never seen you look at a girl like you're interested. It's either you're gay, or you have a really, really big stick up that ass of yours," Kiba paused, then added thoughtfully, "You know, being gay might explain the stick, though." Sasuke gave him an icy glare.

"I do _not_ have a stick up my ass and I am most certainly _not_ gay," he hissed. If Sasuke was a cat, his fur would be standing straight up right now.

Kiba nodded, as if he believed the other man. "Right, but as it happens, most gay men deny the fact they are," he said sagely.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I'm even bothering to discuss this with you. I gotta go," he said, picking up his cup, his bagel half-eaten on his plate.

"The first step to self-improvement is to accept the fact that you are and that there's nothing wrong with being that way, Sasuke," Kiba shouted at Sasuke's retreating backside, grinning in hilarity. He could almost make out the other man stiffen up. Kiba cracked up laughing.

God, how Sasuke hated Kiba.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Originally, this was two chapters, however I realized that both of them were rather short, so I decided to put them together into one. Don't forget to review!

**(1), (2), (3)**: I found these on the Internet. There are actually shirts that say these. Rather amusing, if I do say.


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